A Quickie on the Couch ~ Amanda M. Darling
One of my favorite people in the world, Amanda M. Darling, has written a practical guide to surviving personal loss of all kinds. She kindly agreed to do a guest spot. So without further ado, take it away, Amanda!
Thanks, Lynn, for graciously offering me the chance to post on your blog. The title of my new e-book fits right in with your readers’ enjoyment of steamy stories, but the subject matter is a little different (sorry to disappoint!). This is actually a self-help book for those who’d rather lose a kidney than add a self-help title to their Kindle. Check it out with the subtitle – A Quickie on the Couch: A short, practical guide to surviving divorce, injury, loss and other traumatic events.
Here’s the official stuff:
Your spouse threw in the towel; you got the pink slip; the doctors told you and your partner that no matter how hard you try, the stick will never turn blue – whatever happened your world will never be the same. Whether your life’s a little or a lot out of whack, A Quickie on the Couch presents 21 goals designed to help you overcome a devastating event and get your life back on track, along with a large serving of humor when you most need it.
“Incredible! An invaluable resource for anyone going through a major change in life that they didn’t choose. This book is also hilarious – it encourages readers to change their attitudes so they can move beyond being the helpless effect of a life situation to being a causal factor in their own life by charting a new course forward.”
Joanna L. Cox MNLP MTLT MCHt
Individual & Marriage Counselling
Here’s the unofficial stuff:
I realized there was a need for a book like this when I was in my local bookstore a couple years ago. My husband had just left me, so I was a) crying, b) wearing pajama pants in public and c) wondering why no one had written a book for people experiencing the immediate aftermath of a personal tragedy. There were plenty of resources for people who are partially healed, almost healed, and even 99% healed, but all the available books were too long and too detailed for my emotionally-raw state of mind at the time.
A Quickie on the Couch is currently available for $0.99 on Amazon. If you know anyone who’s going through a tough time, please let them know about this book. My number one goal is to help people when they need help the most (okay, my real number one goal involves Chris Pine and a round of spin-the-bottle, but this is definitely my number two goal). I need your help to accomplish this.
Here’s an excerpt:
GOAL: discover your new values
RATIONALE: because, either a little or a lot, your values changed by what happened to you
DETAILS: Your values shift with age and over different aspects of your life. They can change daily if you’re going through a major life transition (married to divorced, employed to jobless, man to woman…).
For example, if you recently survived a serious car accident, your previous value of “excitement in life” might be replaced by “stability in life”. If a romantic relationship ended, you might value “loving friendship” more than “brutal honesty”. If you recently lost your job, “earning money” might be more important than “doing what you love”.
Write down all the qualities that are important to you in each aspect of your new life and rank them in order of importance. You might feel a little lost as you consider your values. Some of them might come as a shock to you (“I always thought I valued…, but now I realize that it’s important…”). This is normal. Go with it. You’ll be able to feel it when you discover an emotionally-true value.
You can create lists for each aspect of your life: professional, family, financial, romantic, leisure time, etc. You might find that you benefit from re-examining and re-ranking your values once a month as you heal. They may be consistent or they may change as time passes.
You’ll often feel a lot of anger as you recover from any sort of emotional trauma, and that anger is connected to your values in two different ways: 1) when someone’s actions conflict with one of your values, and 2) when you have two distinct values that conflict within you, and each is vying for top billing.
If you feel unaccountable or unreasonable anger at a person or a situation, it may be a response to conflict between two of your own values. For example, a colleague embarrasses you in front of your boss during a meeting – and you say nothing – but later break the photocopier when you try to fix a paper jam by beating the copier with the three-hole punch. You know this isn’t like you, and you’re mystified and embarrassed at your own behavior.
You’re rightfully angry at your colleague, but you’re also angry at yourself for tolerating the slight. Here, your professional value of maintaining a pleasant work environment is in conflict with your value of standing up for yourself, which may also be in conflict with your value of not lashing out when you’re angry.
Further, little annoyances that you could otherwise ignore during this time will aggravate you deeply. It’s like how you’re more likely to get a cold when you least have time to lay low and recover. Here, your mind and body are under tremendous strain to deal with whatever emotional blow life dealt you, so there’s little strength for combating anything else. Try to breathe deeply and focus on the only thing that’s really important right now: your healing.
Thanks again, Lynn, and thank you so much to anyone who reads A Quickie on the Couch and posts a review. You’re awesome!